Fear of Repeating Patterns: Breaking Free from Bad Relationships

It’s understandable to have fears or concerns about ending up in similar bad relationships, especially if you’ve had negative experiences in the past. A big part of the work I do with clients is noticing patterns and doing the EAM work to break unhealthy patterns and create new, healthy and happier patterns.

Remember that a lot of patterns happen on auto-pilot, but also it is our comfort zone. Your subconscious knows that bad relationship, it has experienced it before and, whether you want it or not, it becomes a comfort zone. So, it is easier to get drawn back into that same kind of relationship, because to your subconscious, a different kind of relationship is new, unknown and a risk.

Woman sitting on the floor by her couch. She looks worried. She doesn't want to repeat bad patterns. Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash
Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash

Here are a few suggestions for managing those fears and increasing your chances of entering into healthier relationships:


Take some time to reflect on your past relationships and identify patterns or red flags that may have contributed to their negative outcomes. Journalling is a great way to do this. Write down how all your past relationships were. Then go back and notice patterns that emerge.

From this, consider what qualities or behaviours you want to avoid in future partners and relationships.

Personal growth:

Focus on your personal growth and development. By working on yourself, you can build self-esteem, establish healthy boundaries, and gain a better understanding of your own needs and wants in a relationship.

This is everything we do with EAM. Learning to tune into ourselves to grow and evolve, so we don’t repeat the same patterns because we are coming from a different energy! The 5 Day Relationship You Love Experience gives you some amazing tasks to work on this.

Learn from past experiences:

Use your past experiences as lessons rather than dwelling on them as failures. Reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself, your preferences, and your expectations in a relationship. This will help you make more informed decisions in the future.

This is the key to making changes, noticing what has happened before. Look at it with an open mind. No judgements, no shaming yourself. Learn from those relationships. If you find negative thoughts and feelings coming up, let them. You can EAM on them.

Woman journalling. She is reflecting on past relationships and learning from them. Photo by David Iskander on Unsplash
Photo by David Iskander on Unsplash

Red flags awareness:

Pay attention to red flags or warning signs early on in a relationship. It’s important to trust your instincts and take note of any behaviours or actions that make you uncomfortable or raise concerns. Don’t ignore your gut feelings.

The more you tune into your intuition (gut feeling) and having looks at your previous relationships to see what wasn’t right, the more you’ll notice those red flags. Listen to them.

Communication and openness:

Practice open and honest communication with your partner. Healthy relationships require effective communication, where both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs, concerns, and boundaries. Encourage your partner to do the same.

We want to be able to communicate freely and in a way that allows each partner to be open. If we go in guns blazing, chances are our partner will get defensive. Learning to communicate in a way that allows for open and honest communication is important.

Take things slow:

Don’t rush into a relationship without getting to know the person well. Take your time to develop a deeper understanding of their character, values, and compatibility with you. Allow the relationship to naturally progress at a pace that feels comfortable to both of you.

This is especially true if you seem to always attract the wrong person, or you have a pattern of attracting someone you think is amazing only to find out they are a horrible person. Take it slow. If the person is worth it, they will be happy to take it slow.

Use this time to go on fun dates and get to know them in different scenarios, if you need ideas for dates, check out the blog I wrote on Creative Date Ideas.

Man and woman on a coffee date. They are enjoying each other's company. Photo by Good Faces on Unsplash
Photo by Good Faces on Unsplash

Seek support:

Consider seeking support from friends, family, a therapist or coach (Me). Support can provide valuable perspectives, guidance, and emotional support as you navigate the dating and relationship landscape.

That is what I’m here for, to help you navigate all that is going on internally and externally. Sometimes friends and family can bring their bias’s in or their blocks, but I have no judgements, bias’s or any perspective. I am here to help you see a variety of perspectives, identify your blocks, explore your desires and make the right choices for you. I am your sounding board and your space safe to allow all the thoughts, feelings, fears, everything to come up knowing I’m here to support you through it all.

It’s normal to have concerns based on past experiences, but we don’t want those fears to dictate your future. By learning from the past, investing in personal growth, and making informed choices, you can increase your chances of finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

If you are interested to work together, book a call with me (or email me) and have a chat to see how you can have your dream relationship.

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