I was wondering what you are focusing on?
I was at a speed dating event on Wednesday to be on hand to offer tips and advice. One thing that came up was where their focus was.
It wasn’t always on what they wanted, or they didn’t really know what they wanted, or they had an idea of what they wanted but weren’t super clear.
Our brain filters through millions and millions and millions of data and decides what information we need to get. Have you ever walked in a park hundreds of times over years, then one day you notice a massive tree that you’ve never seen before? You question whether it has been there the whole time, but it must have been, it is a huge tree! That’s your brain filtering data and showing you what it deems important.
Your brain will tell you what your subconscious thinks is important. If you are focusing on the negative things in life, guess what your brain is going to show you, more negative things. You know when you break up with an ex and they are on your mind, and you see things to remind you of them EVERYWHERE!
We want to make sure that what we desire is what our brain is showing us, or showing us the things that will lead to what we want. We want to shift our perspective so we can move forward in the direction that is right for us.
What are you thinking about?
Notice what your thoughts are saying. Do you have a lot of negative thoughts? Have you decided that you will never meet the kind of guy you want? Have you decided your partner never does anything right?
If you think your partner never does anything right, you will always notice when they are doing something wrong but rarely notice when they do something good. Your mind will make that belief true by showing you the evidence to back it up. Shifting your perspective can help you notice the good things too, or accepting that they do things in a different way.
If you are single and you have decided that no good men exist, then you will keep meeting the same kind of man who doesn’t meet your standards. And even if you met someone amazing, you would be so focused on their flaws, you wouldn’t see all their great qualities.
Notice what you are saying to yourself because we say so many things we don’t even consciously realise. Those thoughts and beliefs run on autopilot and catching them means being able to change them. If you have no idea how to do this, drop me a message.
Make a list
If you are looking for a partner, then get clear on what a partner means to you and what a dream relationship is for you. I’ve said this one a lot, but it is so important. If you don’t know what you want, how does your brain know what to look for? How will you know when you’ve met Mr or Mrs Right? How will your intuition guide you if your desires are unclear?
This list is about getting clear on what is important to you, what are must have qualities and what are nice but not essential qualities. For example, when I did my list, I had that I wanted a man who would support me and understand while I grew my business for a must have quality. For a nice but not essential quality, I wanted someone into horror films.
Now, my husband definitely supports me and understands when it comes to my business. However, he doesn’t like horror movies, and the only one he would be up for watching, he spent some of it hiding behind the couch. This is a quality I can accept to not have in my relationship.
I had 55 qualities on my list and he satisfies all but 2. I met my husband 6 months after I created this list (I also did the energy work to back it up). I was very clear about what I wanted and I was aligned to it. My mind, body, intuition all knew clearly what I was looking for. They got to work to make it happen. I didn’t want to join match.com but my intuition guided me to it and I met my husband in the first month of signing up. This was because I was super clear on what I wanted and I did the energy work to make sure my resistances were getting in the way (those pesky beliefs and thoughts from earlier).
If you are in a relationship, you can still make this list. What is important to you? This gives you a chance to look at where your relationship can be improved. It can be easy to get stuck in a rut or focused on all the not so good things, so change your perspective and notice where you can take steps to improve things.
What next?
Well, go and write your list.
Notice your thoughts. Notice what your attention is focusing on.
Decide if you need to shift your perspective.
If you are stuck, unable to shift your negative thoughts or change where your perspective lies, or stuck creating your list, book a free call and we can have a chat on where you are at.
Don’t forget, the February Coaching Offer is still available. Get 90 minutes of 1:1 coaching for only £75 (worth £149). Book it before the end of February.