Sharing this makes me feel sick, but I want to share it, so that anyone else who is in a similar situation understand that they can come out of it.
This week I started the Goddess Awakening course with Kerry O’Sullivan and today we had a 121 to see what is stopping me from fully embracing myself.
Part of the resistance to fully embracing myself was shame to do with sex from my last relationship. I’ve always been open about sex, confident about it and completely open about it in a relationship.
But my ex-boyfriend had issues in this department and he would make me feel ashamed and dirty for wanting sex or talking about sex, and we didn’t have sex for about 2 years when we were together (we were long distance, otherwise I don’t think I would have lasted 2 years without it but still! Used to feel embarrassed to just admit that).
I gave up something I love for 2 years. I gave up a part of a relationship that I know is important. I felt pressured not to talk about it, any time I brought up working on our sex life, he would shut me down. Any time sex or intimacy came up in a conversation, whether about us or others, he would judge them as bad, dirty or perverted.
I ended up shutting down a part of me to be in that relationship.
This is something I’ve been working on since I broke up with my ex, because I don’t want that part of me not being open and embraced, it isn’t something I want to carry into my current relationship.
And I want to be fully me!
It was interesting to see in our EAM 121 session today what was still lingering.
What are you carrying from past experiences that are still lingering and affecting how you are in your current life and the results you are after? Contact me to work on what is going on in your energy.