Why you need a coach.

Why do you need a coach to help with your love life? What difference does it actually make?

These are good questions to ask, especially if you haven’t ever been to a coach and you may not see the benefit of working with one. 

The short answer is a coach will help you transform by understanding who you are, what blocks you have, how they are showing up in your life and to what effect, and help you to be clear on what you want, to be confident and create the life you desire. 

Ceza standing leaning against a wall.

I can honestly say that the coaches I’ve worked with have made monumental changes in my life. 

We all have inner blocks, or resistances as we call them in the Energy Alignment Method. These resistances show up for different reasons. Some are beliefs that are formed when we are children because of something someone said or did, or they can be the beliefs of the adults in our life as a child that we have taken on without consciously realising. 

Resistances can be created due to our life experiences and to the people around us. 

They can be repetitive patterns we play out on a subconscious level. We get triggered by something, have a thought linked to that trigger, which makes us feel a certain way, which makes us behave in a certain way. And this can happen over and over again, on autopilot, without us even realising. 

We’ve associated certain words, sounds, situations, people, etc to certain emotions and thoughts. Let me give you an example. 

When people meet me, I come across as quiet. I’m not great at small talk and can find it difficult to make conversation with someone I don’t know well or someone who is also quiet. I am much better one on one or with 2 people, but in a big group of people I don’t know well, I find it hard to know what to talk about. I’ve spent years working on this as it helps in business and I’ve done lots of networking.

Anyway, as a child I was always told by teachers that I didn’t ask enough questions or told by people I was too quiet or that being quiet meant being boring, or I felt people didn’t know me and made assumptions, which made me feel I had to prove myself. I still feel these triggers. I still feel the need to prove myself. I still feel the need to show people that being quiet doesn’t mean I’m boring. I still feel that pressure to talk and make conversation. 

When I get told I’m not talking enough, it triggers me and triggers that whole “I’m boring” or “I have to prove myself” thought process, which makes me feel inadequate and small and unimportant, which can lead to me behaving in a way that isn’t me, trying to force conversation and it comes out all out of context or like I’m trying to prove a point or jumbled up, or more likely the opposite, I retreat inwards more and hide myself. 

This would happen subconsciously a lot. Someone would make a comment that triggered that pattern, I’d have those thoughts (and not really realise it), then I’d feel a certain way, then I’d act on that feeling. Just writing this I realised now how many interviews/assessment days I had in the past triggered this pattern. 

This is something I’ve worked on a lot. Now I have got to a point where I accept I am quiet with people I don’t know well (not quiet at all with people I know well – ask my husband, sometimes he can’t shut me up). I accept I’m not good at small talk and over the years I have put together a bunch of questions to ask to create conversation. When those feelings get triggered, I ride them out, I know I don’t need to feel them or act on them. I accept who I am and accept the other person will either see my worth or they won’t and it doesn’t matter. 

This was a long example, but I wanted to show how our resistances can be triggered without our knowledge and affect everything. In a dating scenario, when this resistance got triggered, it meant pulling away from the other person, shutting down my personality, or being someone I’m not. Neither are good. 

Resistances will be triggered, and the other person can trigger them innocently, how you react to them being triggered affects the next outcome. If you are dating, it might mean pushing away a potential partner or never going on a date. In a relationship (and resistances get triggered A HELL OF A LOT in a relationship), how you react affects not only your relationship, but also your partner and how they behave. 

Couple arguing and being upset.
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash
So back to my question of how a coach helps.
  • They help because they bring all your resistances to the surface, so you can see them. Only this way can you work on them and not let them rule you. 
  • They help you see things from another perspective, which can bring clarity and understanding. We all have resistances hiding in our blind spots, changing perspective allows you to see it. 
  • They help you see what beliefs, thoughts, patterns are true for you and be able to release them, breaking their hold on you.  
  • A coach helps you understand yourself more fully, so you can accept who you are. You feel more confident and have increased self-esteem. With this increased confidence, self-esteem and acceptance, comes clarity and the ability to take next steps that are right for you. 
  • A coach is there to support you through all this because there will be low points. Sometimes we have to go back before we can go forwards, and that can mean things seem to be getting worse before they get better. Like moving house, it can look like chaos with all your stuff everywhere before you organise it all and everything is neat and tidy. Having a coach to listen and support you through this, especially when you want to give up, is crucial to continuing and creating that change. 
  • A coach won’t judge you or be bias, they are there to help you through whatever is coming up for you. That’s what I love about working with a coach. You can say whatever and it is ok (obviously within reason, if you say you murdered your husband, that will most likely result in a phone call to the police). That honesty helps reveal what is going on deep down for the person to feel a certain way or act a certain way. 
  • A coach not only helps you explore your past, but also your future. It isn’t about just seeing the resistances, patterns and experiences of the past, but putting in actions to change your future outcomes. 
  • A coach will help you get to your results quicker. Not only are they helping you see your resistances, change your patterns, see many perspectives, grow in confidence, be honest with yourself, they hold you accountable. It is easier to take steps and keep on with your goal when someone is holding you accountable, especially when motivation dips. 

I’ve worked with various coaches over the last 10 years, from business coaches to life coaches to EAM coaches. All have made me realise something about myself and helped me create change in my life. I am hugely grateful for this. 

Everything I’ve mentioned will affect a relationship in some way at some point. How we handle being triggered in a relationship. How we deal with a partner being triggered. How we behave in a relationship. Who we end up in a relationship with. How we deal with conflict and difficult times in a relationship. How we feel in different scenarios and what we do about it. How we feel most of the time. How we relate to the other person. Everything. A relationship is intimate and vulnerable. Your true colours will come through, and sometimes it brings out the worst in us. That’s why doing the inner work is so valuable. 

If you are ready to experience the power of coaching, book your special February offer of a 90 minute 1:1 Coaching session using the Energy Alignment Method for £75 (normally this would cost £149). 

If you are unsure whether coaching is right for you or if I’m the right coach, email me or book in for a call and we can have a chat and see if this is right for you. 

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