What is your dream relationship?
“I want to have a happy relationship with someone I love and who loves me back just as much.
I want to feel loved and respected and adored…
I want to feel safe and happy… Knowing that I can trust my partner to have my back and I theirs.
I want to be able to be 100%, myself, and to be loved for that.
I want to know that I can be fully me, with all of my weird quirks and know that my partner loves and accepts me exactly as I am.
I want to receive and give all of this in my relationship with my (future ideal) partner.”
What does your dream relationship look like to you?
We all have different desires and a dream relationship means different things to different people.
Let’s get clear on what you want.
When you imagine your dream relationship, what are you seeing, hearing, feeling? Whether you are in a relationship now or single, what does your dream relationship look like?
How do you feel in that relationship? What is really important for you?
Truly imagine this relationship. Spend time daydreaming about it, and allow yourself to be honest with yourself about what you want. Don’t day dream what you think you should want or what you’ve been told you want, what do YOU truly want?
If you struggle with knowing what you want, you may be clouded by the ‘shoulds’, the resistances, the blocks, the fears, the worries and so on. Go and check out my masterclass and see how you can clear some of those with EAM.
This is a great way to get clear on what you are looking for when you are single. It means when you start dating, you can straight away say no to the people who aren’t on the same page as you, even if they seem really nice.
For instance, if your dream relationship is being with someone who loves travelling like you do and who wants to explore the world with you, but you are on a date with a person who seems amazing but hates travelling and would choose staying at home 99% of the time, then you have your answer whether to pursue that relationship or not. You can decide that that is very important to you and you aren’t willing to compromise, so no point to keep going on dates. Instead you decide to move on and find someone more suitable to you.
If you are in a relationship, this is a great way to see what you are missing in your relationship and where changes need to be made.
For those of you in a relationship, this daydreaming can help show you where you are lacking feeling a certain way or certain qualities are not being met.
For example, you imagined in your daydream feeling sexy and beautiful to your man and having an intimate and wonderful sex life. This has made you realise you feel undesirable to your partner, it feels like he isn’t turned on by you or even noticing you that much. This leads to you having a conversation with your partner and they tell you they are just stressed and busy with work and family life and feel like they never spend quality time with you. This then leads you to planning date nights into your schedules. You spend quality time together, reconnecting to one another, de-stressing from daily life, which leads to you rekindling your romance and relationship. You feel desired by your partner, he feels connected to you once again and you have sparks flying in the bedroom.
That one moment of imagining what you want has now led you to having what you want as it prompted you to take action.
The same with being single and dating. Knowing what you want can prompt you into taking action. Maybe you decide to try a new hobby and expand your social circle, where you meet someone who has similar interests.
Taking action might also mean doing the inner work. Noticing that imagining your dream relationship has brought up a lot of negative feelings and thoughts for you, and you realise that you need to do that inner work so you can feel happy just imagining the possibilities, getting into a positive place and then taking external actions to make your relationship better or attracting the right person.
As I mentioned above, you may feel lots of negative thoughts and emotions coming up while doing this exercise. Even just thinking about taking action can bring up negative thoughts and emotions.
This might seem like a bad thing, but it is actually a great thing. These negatives need to come up, so you can work through them and move forward.
Let’s imagine for a second that for your dream relationship to happen, it means having to have a chat with your partner about where you aren’t happy, but that thought fills you with dread and makes you want to dig a hole and hide in it. There is inner work to be done here, so you can have that conversation and change your relationship.
The other option is to keep ignoring where you aren’t happy, not working on yourself to be courageous enough to have that conversation and hoping things will just sort themselves out. Chances are they won’t, until one day the relationship stops working.
That dread feeling has come up for you to work on, so you can have that conversation with your partner with ease. Communication is important and doing the inner work now, means this aspect of your relationship will get easier each time you need to take that action.
This is one example of how resistances come up. They come up in many different forms, but they have come up for a reason and they need to be explored and worked on.
When these negatives come up, write them down and explore them. What is the negative telling you? What emotion is linked to the thought? What thought is linked to the emotion? Where is this thought/emotion coming from? Is it a past experience? Is it a trigger from a past relationship? How do you want to feel? How do you want to behave? What steps can you take to change that thought/feeling?
Daydream often. Enjoy being in that dream relationship. Feel into how amazing it feels, especially if you are single, take into it to help anchor those feelings and what you desire.
If you are in a relationship, daydream this with your partner in the daydream. Feel into the love.
The daydreaming can help shift your perspective so you aren’t focusing on what you are lacking but focusing on what you desire (check out the blog on focusing). You may notice that shift in perspective starts to change your thoughts and how you feel and ultimately, the actions you take. Those around you will pick up on it too.
As always, if you are stuck, book a call with me and let’s talk about where you are stuck and your best next course of action.