A couple of weeks ago I was featured in the Daily Mail Newspaper as part of an article on the housing market (check it out: Daily Mail Article , if you’ve worked with me you’ll know I’m usually much more smiley than that). In the article, we are talking about our struggles to buy a flat in Glasgow and how we keep getting outbid.
This got me thinking about how every couple goes through struggles that can bring up differences or issues in the relationship.
In our case, my needs in a flat or house are different to my fiancé’s because I teach fitness classes from the house (for those of you who don’t know as well as being a Relationship Coach I also teach Pilates and Burlexercise). Therefore I need a big enough space to have the camera/computer far away enough to show the whole of me. Our current flat is big enough for us to accommodate that, but a lot of the flats we have seen just wouldn’t.
This has meant we have held off putting in offers on flats that are nice but just not big enough. Also, it means to get a bigger flat we are having to spend more.
Now, this could cause a fight as because of my business we are having to keep looking even though we’ve found nice flats and I’m not budging on that need as I don’t want to have to hire studio space (sticking to my standards and boundaries).
However, I have communicated to my partner that this is something that has to be met for me to agree to buying a flat, and as easy as it would be to let it go so we can find a flat quicker, I know it will be an issue later. Sticking to this is vital for my own business, wellbeing and finances, and I’ve made that clear.
We spoke about what we are looking for in a flat, what has to be there for both of us, what we can compromise on and what we don’t want, also where we are willing to live.
Compromise is a big one too. I’m a city girl, I grew up in London and love being in a city. My fiancé grew up in the countryside of Perthshire. He wants to move to the countryside and I don’t want to move from the city. So this has been a topic where we are both compromising to make sure the other is accommodated but also that we aren’t letting go of what is important to us.
It has also brought up the different ways we think and see things, which could easily turn into a fight, but having calm conversations and recognising that we are different people with different perspectives and different needs has been a really important part of the whole process.
When we are going through these kinds of struggles, whether they are big or small struggles, it is so important to speak to one another and keep in mind we all think differently. Being able to understand the other person, what they desire, what they need and what they are willing to compromise on and sharing your desires, needs and the things you’ll compromise on is vital for any relationship to work.
Struggles will come up. That is a normal part of a relationship. How you work through it is what will make the difference.
If you are single, this can still apply to you. Look back over past relationships, how have you handled struggles, where can you improve in the way you communicate or how you behave? E.g. If you look back and see that you often give up what you require to please the other person, is this a common pattern? Was it just with that one person? Does it happen in other areas of your life? How can you change that so it doesn’t happen in the future?
Identifying how we behave in tough times tells us so much about ourselves and our relationship, and gives us the chance to put new ways of doing things into place.
So, what are you like when struggles come up?
If you are finding it difficult to deal with the struggles, drop me a message and let’s have a chat.