How do I get my ex back?

Do you want to get your ex back?

Watch the video above (or read the blog below) and have a think about what I say. This is one side to the story and often the actions needed. However, there are be more to a break up, which I will discuss in another video.

Are you chasing your ex?

If you are chasing your – STOP!

This is a question I’ve been asked by clients and by people who find out I am a Relationship & Love Coach: “How can I get my ex back?”

You don’t. Don’t chase your ex. If they have dumped you, running off after other women or they’ve just left you for whatever reason, don’t go chasing them because they don’t want you. Sorry, that’s harsh, but it is true.

So many times I’ve heard people say “Oh, my ex has left me/has gone for another woman. How can I get him back?” But why are you chasing someone who doesn’t want you? You are much better off working on yourself, lifting up your self esteem and your confidence and then going and finding someone who actually wants to be with you, who is going to chase you, who being with you is as important to them as it is to you.

Why are you chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with you? You shouldn’t have to chase them, force or convince them to want to be with you. They should want to be with you because you are amazing and you are awesome and they love everything about you and they truly want to be with you.

If you are chasing an ex or trying to convince them they should be with you, ask yourself why? Why are you forcing them or trying to convince them to be with you? What are you getting out of that relationship? Also, why did they leave you? This last question can reveal a lot too. Sometimes it means hearing something you don’t want about yourself, something you need to work on within you. Sometimes it is realising what kind of person you have attracted and who they really are (take off the rose tinted specs).

You don’t need to convince them

This is something that really bothers me as because you want to be with someone who wants to be with you for you. You don’t want to have to constantly have to convince them or encourage them or make them want to be with you. It is true that there will be things that come up in the relationship you need to work on together as a couple, or individually, to make sure the relationship works well, but you shouldn’t have to be convincing them to want to be with you or convincing them to want to work on whatever problems come up.

If they’re running off and chasing other women, let them go and find someone who appreciates you. Go and find someone who truly wants to be with you, values being with you and values you as a person. You are worth so much more than some guy who doesn’t want to be with you.

Woman looking out the blinds looking sad. She is wondering how she can get your ex back.
Photo by Joshua Rawson Harris on Unsplash

Can’t let go?

If you are finding it really difficult to let go of an ex for whatever reason, maybe you can’t see yourself with someone else or maybe you want them back just because they dumped you or whatever reason, if you’re finding it really difficult to let go and move on, drop me a message and let’s have a chat.

This way we can find out what is going on beneath the surface because there’s other stuff going on there that’s stopping you from letting go. There can be lots of things beneath the surface contributing to this. The last thing you want is that relationship affecting how you feel about yourself, causing you to feel like you’re not worthy of an amazing person or an amazing relationship. You don’t want to be so stuck on that person that you can’t see all these amazing people that you could potentially be in a relationship with.

You don’t want to be so stuck on them that you’re creating this toxic environment for yourself. That isn’t a nice place to be; you are not going to feel good, you are not going to be open to meeting someone new, you are so stuck on them that you’re not moving forward. You’re stuck in the past and you deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who actually loves and cares about you and wants to be with you for you.

Ask why and focus on yourself

So if you are chasing an ex, ask yourself why. Asking yourself why is really important because it can reveal a lot about what is actually going on beneath the surface. If you’re not getting answers, message me because that’s what I do with my clients. I help them uncover what is beneath the surface. Why are they feeling or thinking or doing the things that they’re doing? That can be really, really powerful and when you start unlocking that is when it becomes magical because it starts telling you so much about yourself.

That’s when you can make these changes and then go and have an amazing relationship. You can go meet someone who is everything you want in a partner and you’re coming in your best version because you know your triggers, you know your blocks and you can work on it. It means that when you’re in this relationship, it’s such a nicer place to be because it is so much more of what you want, it’s your dream relationship.

2 women on a night out, taking a selfie. They are having fun, look good all dressed up. Having some food and drink.
Photo by Nate Johnston on Unsplash

That’s what I want you to have. I want you to have the dream relationship because being in your dream relationship is so much better than being in a shitty relationship.

So please stop chasing an ex who doesn’t want you, you don’t want to get your ex back. You deserve better than that. He is not worth all that effort. If at some point he changes his mind and he wants to be with you. Let him chase you. Let him prove that he is worthy of being in a relationship with you. You go out and enjoy your life. Focus on yourself. Focus on what makes you happy.

Move on with your life and be open to meeting someone new and it might not be right now, it might be in six months, a year’s time or even a few years, but spend some time enjoying yourself, looking after yourself, having fun and just being in your energy and feeling good. When the time is right someone amazing will come and whether that’s your ex or someone new, let go of any outcome.

Allow yourself to be open to whatever happens and don’t cling on to that hope that it will be your ex. Let him go. If he comes back he will but don’t hold on to that hope because that stops you moving forward because you’re clinging on to that hope of “oh, maybe maybe he’ll come back, maybe he’ll be with me”. That doesn’t help, it doesn’t allow you to move forward.

Remember, if you’re stuck, book a free call with me and let’s chat, especially if your story is more complicated and you want to talk it through. I am here to help you be able to move on. Don’t stay stuck. Don’t chase some guy who doesn’t want to be with you. Enjoy your life and find an amazing partner who wants to be with you

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